Being human

There are a lot of things that are hard about being human. Life is messy. Sometimes it’s hard. And at times it just sucks. I think that the hardest thing about being human is emotions. Emotions are powerful! They can be debilitating. Sometimes they can’t be contained. Now before I go any further I will acknowledge that there are plenty of good, positive emotions that arty the same attributes as the bad ones. For example, pure joy can overflow and cause tears of happiness. But there are also plenty of “negative” emotions that are just as strong, if not stronger. One of these is anger. It can be ugly. It will control the mind and the tongue, causing thoughts and words that are not truly reflective of the person speaking them. Sadness, hurt, pain and loneliness kind of all wrap up into one big pile of messiness that can weigh down and smother ones spirit. I think that one of the hardest feelings I have dealing with is when someone I love is experiencing sadness or pain. This feeling should really have a name of its own. I have learned how to cope with (perhaps not in the best way) my own emotions…but for me to watch someone I love suffer through anger or sadness is nearly overwhelming. But the flip side is even sweeter too. The joy of watching someone you love be at peace and filled with their own joy is amazing (sorry that word is so overused). So I’m not really sure what my point is (if there is one at all) Exocet that I am truly fascinated with the ability to feel things the way we do as humans. It makes me wonder how Jesus dealt with his array of emotions while he was human. The Bible talks about his anger. And sorrow. And grief. And yet we know he never once sinned even as he dealt with those emotions. I’m fascinated by his mind and his thoughts. And it brings me comfort to know that since he did walk the earth as a human that he felt the same things I do. He understand my prayers when I ask for help dealing with my human emotions.

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You tell me, I’ll go with you

I heard a woman on the radio the other day – I knew I would forget her name) talking about battling depression and the highs and lows that come with it. Since I suffer from depression myself I tuned in to listen more closely. What she said about the valleys made sense to me – that with God being the center of my being, the valleys are not as low, nor do they last as long. She also talked about how when no one else in her life can really “relate” or help her out of the valley – it is so comforting to know that Jesus is there – a constant – surrounding her with his love. I could totally relate to the ideas she expressed. But what she said next really made me think about my perspective on things. She said when she wakes up each morning, she asks the Lord where he is going today… Continue reading

Authentically me

A few months back there were a series of commercials that ran, seemingly every other 30 seconds, about depression. They started out with soft, meloncholy piano music. The first line of the commercial was…”Depression hurts.” I must say that I agree. For a long time (decades) I think I was in denial that I suffered from this ugly disease. I blamed hormones, post pardom, relationship issues, seasons, and anything and everything else I could think of. I’m not sure that I used to even believe that depression was a “real” disease. I thought that it was just me that felt the way I felt…like it was all in my head…and I just wasn’t “right.” My understanding and acceptance of this dreaded disease have changed and after a lot of reading about conversations with others, I know that I do indeed suffer from depression. Continue reading

This Christmas

I used to get very depressed this time of year. Every year, about the middle of November, I would feel the dark cloud of depression begin to settle in over me. I love the buzz in the air, the festivities and the overall spirit of the holidays, so I never really quite understood why I had to fight against the blues annually. This year, however, I believe I have finally turned a corner. I have been freed of those feelings of sadness and depression. It is not anything that I have done myself – and definitely not on my own. This freedom from the chains of depression came from God. He is so good to me and gives me what I need to be the person that I truly want to be and to be the person that he knows I can be for him. Brian and I, through Faith Passage and through Foundation Community Church, Continue reading